Chapter 18: You Have NO Idea!

February 13, 2001, Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minnesota

🎤 Steve

“Good morning, Mr. Adams.”

“Good morning, Doctor Brown. What happened to the informality?”

She laughed, “I spoke with Mary this morning before you arrived.”

“Let me guess - she was asking how to help her medical student and she relayed our conversation.”

“She did. Shall we get started?”

“I’m all yours,” I replied with a smirk.

“And professional ethics prohibit me from wiping that smirk off your face!”

“But you’ve thought about it,” I replied smugly.

“Just as you have,” she replied equally smugly.

“True,” I agreed. “What do you want to talk about today?”

“First, if you don’t mind, would you talk to me about your current sex partners?”

I described my relationships with Suzanne, Leigh, Holly, Mia, Natalie, and Nicole. The conversation brought something that I hadn’t noticed, at least consciously - Mia, Natalie, and Nicole had all moved our physical relationship to what I called ‘true intimacy’ - we had sex, but it was really secondary to the mental and emotional bonds we’d formed. While I didn’t find that odd with regard to Natalie and Nicole, it was an interesting revelation about Mia. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, so I simply filed it away in my mind for later exploration in my journals.

“Do you know who your next partner will be?” Clara asked at the end of that part of our conversation.

I shook my head, “I have no idea. I usually don’t until the young woman in question approaches me.”

“When’s the last time you actually chased someone?”

“Kara, when we were in High School, believe it or not. That’s not to say I didn’t flirt or tease with intent, but that almost always happened after the girl had shown signs of interest or had approached me.”

“I think I know how you’ll answer this, but why don’t you chase?”

“Because I don’t have to!” I replied smugly with a self-satisfied smile.

“And you just assume any girl in whom you’re interested will eventually drop her panties? Is that it?”

“History seems to indicate that’s the case,” I smirked.

“And, of course, they always leave highly satisfied, begging for another chance?”

“I should say ‘yes’ just to tease you, but the answer to that is a resounding ‘no’, at least with the regard to wanting to be together again.”

“But always satisfied?” Clara asked with an arched eyebrow.

“I think that depends on what you mean. If you mean physically, then I think the answer is ‘yes’, albeit some more than others. If you mean emotionally, then I think the answer is decidedly ‘no’.”

“Does that concern you?”

“Yes, because that’s where the damage can be done. It’s also possible to cause mental and spiritual harm. And that’s why I’m cautious and generally spend significant time exploring the young woman’s mental, emotional, and spiritual state before we bond.”

“And your ability to analyze them is that good?”

“I’ve made some mistakes,” I replied. “But I learn from those mistakes. We discussed them during my last visit.”

“But none since then?”

I shook my head, “No. There was one girl who was disappointed, but she blamed herself for hyping up the experience in advance and then having it be a letdown. A pleasurable letdown, mind you, but it didn’t live up to the image she had in her mind. She spoke with a counselor afterwards at my urging.”

“And your relationship with her afterwards?”

“She’s a regular attendee of our Rap Sessions and we have what I’d call a comfortable friendship.”

“We talked last time about your ‘type’ - do all those young women conform?”

“Not Mia, but otherwise, yes, more or less.”

Carla laughed, “Let me guess, some of them were too well-endowed?”

“Bingo! Though last time we also talked about the significant outliers, both of whom fulfilled similar roles in my life.”

Clara consulted her notes.

“The young woman in High School who was, in effect, your minder, and then the young woman you mentored through law school.”

“Correct.”

“Would you be willing to participate in a study?”

“Hands-on?” I smirked.

“Be serious, please.”

“Sorry. I did a very detailed survey for my friend Katy nearly twenty years ago.”

“Oh?”

“She was taking a human sexuality course and had a project which required interviewing people about their sex lives. Her professor had a hard time believing what Katy reported.”

“She’s not alone! This survey has about seven hundred questions. Ever see the ‘Purity Test’ on the internet?”

I chuckled, “I’ve taken several different versions.”

“It’s more detailed than that,” Clara said. “Do you have a list of all your partners, their ages, and a general description?”

“Elyse created one years ago, which I could update and send to you. Statistical analysis?”

“Yes. I’ll give you the forms to take home with you. You can send them back with the other list.”

“I’ll do that on diskette, but I’m going to encrypt it. I’ll put the encryption program on the disk and we’ll make up a passcode now which you can write down. I can’t risk anyone seeing that disk for obvious reasons.”

“Do you think there is any way I could interview your sister?”

“I would REALLY hate to open old, long-healed wounds,” I replied. “I can’t risk even asking her. And please do NOT try to go around me on this. It would be an open-and-shut case of malpractice.”

“You’re still very protective of her.”

“I messed her up, so that stands to reason, don’t you think?”

“When we talked in December, you indicated that she disagrees with that assessment.”

“I’m not sure if she still does or not, but for the longest time, she refused to put any blame on me at all, because she saw herself as the aggressor, a predator, even. I maintain that even in that scenario, it’s still my fault for being too weak to say ‘no’.”

“May I broach a potentially touchy subject?”

“Sure. I suspect I know what it is.”

“That, but also a possible relationship between your kids.”

“I honestly don’t see it,” I replied. “But then again, I have to acknowledge that my parents didn’t see it either. May I explain, though, why I think it’s unlikely?”

“Yes, of course.”

“First of all, three of my kids have already selected their life partners - Stephie, Matthew, and Albert. Well, Matthew was chosen, but the net effect is the same. I don’t expect any of those three to have sex with anyone except their chosen partner.”

“You seriously believe that all three of them are going to have lifelong, committed relationships with partners chosen before they’re teenagers?”

“Absolutely. And for the others, I can’t imagine Jesse wanting to have sex with his sisters, nor they with him. And the same is true for Michael. No, there is no risk there at all, or at least none to worry about. The REAL issue is my eldest daughter. Sometime around her fourteenth birthday, she is going to present herself to be deflowered and I am going to have to have a very difficult conversation with her.”

“Will you let me explore how you feel about that?”

“Sure.”

“Do you have any thoughts, inclinations, or feelings that you would want to do that?”

I shook my head, “No. I know the damage I did to my sister and there is nothing on this planet which would cause me to inflict what would probably be worse damage on my daughter, even if she might reject out of hand the idea that having sex with me could be harmful.”

“She’s twelve, right?”

“Yes.”

“And you think she’s already thinking about that?”

“I’m positive. She hasn’t said anything, but her mom and I both are sure the request will come. Remember, this is the daughter who was planning to hand out tickets for ‘Expert Deflowerings’ and actually handed out one before we discovered her little plot. There is no doubt in my mind she’ll want to cash in a ticket of her own.”

“Why not head it off now?”

“Because she’s not ready to have that difficult conversation. When she feels she can broach the topic, THEN she’ll be ready to have it, not before.”

“You refused your sister when she was twelve, but accepted when she was fourteen. Don’t you think that might change how you feel?”

“No, because I understand just how disastrous it might be. It’ll be handled properly, and her adult friends will talk with her as well.”

“Mary said your son is coming up to Mayo. Is he sexually active?”

“Yes.”

“Would you mind if I talked with him?”

“I wouldn’t, but you’ll need approval from his moms.”

“I’ll give you a form which they can sign if they’re willing. I think it would be very interesting to compare his views with yours.”

“Oh, I’m sure it will be!”

February 13, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

“Cuddles!” Birgit demanded after I’d hugged and kissed everyone.

“May I please change into comfortable clothes?” I asked.

“I suppose.”

My wives and I went up to the master bedroom so I could change and unpack my overnight bag.

“What did Mary have to say?” Jessica asked as I began changing clothes.

“No changes between now and the end of March. She wants to get Jesse’s exam results before she thinks about making any changes. The plan for April 1 is still on, barring any discrepancies in my blood work.”

“And the syncopal event?”

“Right now, chalked up as a normal fear response, combined with standing up after sitting in the whirlpool, and the contact with the cool air. Basically, a perfect storm, if you will. Anything interesting happen here while I was away?”

“Just the normal activities at the compound! Katy did call to confirm we’d arrive on Friday evening.”

“I’m still not happy about missing Jesse’s playoff games. I think next year we need to try to plan around them.”

“So, in March, then?” Kara asked.

“I think towards the end of March, just to be safe. That shouldn’t be a problem for Katy as we’re telling her more than a year in advance and other than from us and few other key couples, she only takes reservations a year in advance.”

“I’ll check with the Jaegers and Quinns tomorrow,” Kara replied.

“After I cuddle Birgit, I need to talk to Jennifer and Josie about Jesse’s exams at Mayo.”

I finished changing and we went back downstairs where Birgit got five minutes of cuddling, and protested when I told her I had to talk to Jennifer and Josie. She reluctantly let me get up and I headed to the coach house where I knocked on the door. Jesse let me in and I went to the living room to talk to his moms.

“A doctor at Mayo would like to interview Jesse, if the two of you have no objections.”

“Psychiatrist?” Josie asked apprehensively.

I shook my head, “No. She’s an MD with board certifications in OB/GYN and Family Medicine. Her focus is on sexual and reproductive health. My sessions with her were similar to mine with Doctor Mercer, but Clara is not a mental health professional.”

“She wants to talk to me about sex?” Jesse asked.

“Yes. Most likely to find out why you think the way you do given that you’re my son.”

“Mom One never dropped me on my head when I was a baby!”

“It appears Jesse is OK with it,” Jennifer observed. “I think it’s OK. Josie?”

“I don’t have a problem with it, though I don’t want any pshrinks talking to him.”

“Me, neither,” I said. “I’m very comfortable with Clara and totally comfortable with her talking to Jesse.”

“HOW comfortable, Pops?” Jesse asked with a smirk.

“Professional ethics prevent that, Little Duck!”

“But otherwise?”

“Decide for yourself when you meet her. Just remember, if you don’t want to answer a question, tell her. But you do need to answer all of Doctor Mary’s questions. Jen, what did the school say?”

“It’ll be an excused absence for a family emergency. Fortunately, they’re not allowed to ask for details if he’s not missing a significant number of days. He hasn’t used a sick day since fourth grade.”

“No disease can challenge the Ducky body!” Jesse said triumphantly.

“How is Kenny’s wrist?”

“Sore, but he’ll be fine for Saturday.”

“I’m sorry I’ll miss the games.”

“You’ll be here when we win the citywide championship, so I can let you slide.”

“Thanks,” I chuckled. “We’ll head to Midway as soon as you get home from school tomorrow.”

“Night, Pops!”

“Night, Ducks!”

I said ‘good night’ to Jennifer and Josie and went back to the main house to spend time with my kids before they went to bed, then relaxed with my wives, Suzanne, and Maria Cristina. We put on CNN Headline News for a recap of the day’s events and they reported a second major earthquake in El Salvador, following the one a month earlier. The final death toll of the January quake had been around 800, and this one was expected to potentially have killed hundreds more. After we gave CNN twenty minutes and they gave us the world, we headed to bed.

February 14, 2001, Rochester, Minnesota

🎤 Jesse

Don was waiting for me when I got off the plane in Rochester, and because I only had my carry-on with my computer and a change of clothes, I didn’t need to go to the baggage claim.

“Good flight?” Don asked.

“It got me from Chicago to Minnesota in one piece, so, yeah!”

“You and your dad are certainly cut from the same cloth!”

“My Grandpa Block says the nuts don’t fall far from the tree!”

Don laughed, “Having spent time at what your dad calls ‘the Compound’, I think I’d have to agree! How is your hockey tournament going?”

“Probably the same as Dad told you when he was here. We don’t play again until Saturday.”

“When’s the championship?”

“The 24th.”

“I think Mary and I might come down to watch.”

“Cool. General Dmitri plans to be there, too. You met him at Christmas.”

“The man my wife calls ‘the Russian teddy bear’!”

“She never saw him in his uniform!”

We got to Don’s Saab and I tossed my bag in the back seat, then got into the passenger side. Fifteen minutes later we walked into his house where Doctor Mary greeted me.

“The guest room is upstairs, first door on the right,” Mary said. “The bathroom is across the hall.”

“Thanks!” I replied.

I took my bag upstairs, put it on the bed, used the bathroom, then went back downstairs. I walked into the living room and saw a very cute girl who I guessed was about my age. I knew Don and Doctor Mary didn’t have kids, and anyway, they weren’t old enough to have a kid my age.

“Jesse Block, this is Joy Anderson. She works as a candy striper at the hospital. Don and I are friends with her parents.”

I almost laughed out loud, because I was sure my dad had put Doctor Mary up to this. I decided it would be fun to play along, because I knew Dad would expect me to do the opposite. Of course, I also realized that I could be thinking like Vizzini, and go around in circles deciding which way he expected me to respond. Of course, it was also possible Dad didn’t know about it, or that he hadn’t put Doctor Mary up to it.

Libby and I weren’t exclusive, so I wasn’t bound to any commitment to her, so I could actually just see how things went, and then, simply refuse to say anything to Dad about it. I would certainly tell Libby, as we’d agreed to share everything. Dad and my moms, on the other hand, I could simply say whatever was appropriate to keep them off-balance, which is exactly how I liked them. ‘Always keep them guessing’ was the best strategy for kids when dealing with parents.

“Hi, Joy,” I said happily. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too, Jesse. Doctor Whittaker says you play hockey. I’m a huge hockey fan!”

“What team do you root for?” I asked.

“The Penguins!” she declared.

“Oh, God no!” I groaned. “Not another one! Seriously? The Penguins?”

Joy laughed, “No, of course not! I was a North Stars fan, but now I follow the Wild. My second team is the Blackhawks.”

“I’m a Mighty Ducks fan and the Hawks are my second team as well. My Dad is a huge Penguins fan, and I’m guessing Doctor Mary told you that.”

Joy laughed, “She did. It was funny to hear your reaction!”

“Oh, I’m sure,” I replied with a wry smile. “I see the smirk on her face.”

“What position do you play?”

“Goalie.”

“What team?”

“My High School team. We made it to the second round of the playoffs by winning both our games last Saturday. We have a game on Saturday, which we have to win, and then we play for the citywide championship the following Saturday. If we win that, then we play for the regional championship in March and potentially statewide in April. Do you play any sports?”

“No. Drama and math club.”

“What do you do in math club?” I asked.

“Well,” she replied with a silly grin, “we talk about math, properties of math...”

“You pass!” I replied with a huge grin.

“What did I just miss?” Don asked.

“He asked me a question and I gave him an answer from The Breakfast Club, though about math instead of physics, though Brian was in both clubs.”

“How did you know?” I asked.

“Know what? I love movies and I use movie quotes all the time.”

“Darmok,” I replied with a huge grin.

“ ... and Jalad at Tanagra!” Joy replied, with an equally big smile.

“Why do I feel as if you two are speaking a foreign language?” Don asked.

“Because they are,” Mary replied. “You’ve heard it occasionally at Steve’s house, but they’re careful around people who don’t ‘Habla’.”

I laughed, “Good one!”

“I think I’m in deep trouble here,” Don replied, shaking his head. “What’s that?”

“Heartbreak Ridge,” I said. “When the platoon members pretend not to speak English.”

“Ah, OK, I remember that scene. I think my wife has spent too much time around your dad.”