Chapter 182

April 15, 2018 (Sunday)

Dear Ms. Diary,

After breakfast and an early morning spent on backyard tasks – all of us, even Rachel, Civia, and Maren, just before lunch we went out into the yard and threw frisbees around on the newly mown lawn. While many of us were naked, some of the larger-chested girls opted to wear sports bras, but only those. Of course, with some of them diving after frisbees, some of those bras were dirtier than they had ever been.

“No biggie,” Rhee responded when Gracey pointed out their nearly matching stains. “I’ve got a few of these and so what if team members see it. We’re not the only ones who’ve ever taken our tops off and worn only our sports bras in public, like that shirts-and-skins game with the boys.” She thought for a few seconds then added, “I didn’t take a tumble or need to dive for a ball that day, so these are the first grass stains on any of my sports bras. Cool.”

Rachel smiled at Rhee, then stated, “That was ... fun. I’d never been so obviously nearly naked in such ... a situation. You girls do things like that often. Don’t you?”

Heather answered, “We do. The parents know that we occasionally have naked hot tub soaks during the day. Of course, the old hot tub was smaller, more hidden by the house, but that’s one of the reasons that we now have a privacy fence. They know we do this and wanted to protect us. We have the best parents.”

Civia stepped in, saying, “I’ve been there for some of those discussions. In my experience, the parents are never here when we’re all naked, but they know we do it and are supportive of the girls.” She sighed, shook her head, then said, “I still haven’t broached with my parents the topic of being naked in my room. I should do that. They’ve been so supportive in so many other things at which I thought they might balk that I should just tell them.”

“But that would include me,” Maren responded.

“Yes, it could. I won’t lie to them, but if they give me the opportunity to omit that detail, I would for you.”

Maren shook her head hard, replying, “No. I can deal. I’m sure my mom wouldn’t mind. In fact, I’ll just ask her and let you know how it goes. Is that okay?”

Civia answered with a tight hug.

Rachel commented, “One of the things that you girls do that has surprised me a little, and this includes you two, is that you still hug each other when naked.”

Maren beat Civia to respond, “I know that naked hugs could be ... sexual. But, since we’re naked together a lot ... or, at least, fairly often, we don’t think about it. I’ve noticed that the other girls do that.”

“But they’ve also just told you that they are sexual with each other.”

“Yeah, but they didn’t show it. It doesn’t matter, anyway. They also said that the Go5 has been sexual for as long as they’ve known Civia, that they’re not sexual with Civia, yet they still have naked hugs with her. It’s okay that something can mean one thing in some contexts and mean something else in others. I’m happy to accept naked hugs from any of them and don’t interpret that they want to have sex with me. Even though they’re not as close to me as they are to Civia, they’re still some of the best friends I’ve ever had and I’d gladly put up with naked hugs from them just to have them as friends. Of course, I don’t ‘put up’ with them at all. Civia taught me that naked hugs are a supreme compliment to me and our friendship.”

Then Maren stepped in it.

“Are you going to become part of their ... big ... sexual relationship?”

When Rachel went scarlet, Maren realized that her question may not have been appropriate and turned red, herself. Meka lost it in laughter.

“Yes, Rachel. Are you going to be joining the 15 of us in jumping everyone’s bones?”

Rachel’s eyes went huge, so Meka stepped over to her and hugged her tightly. Rachel struggled a little, then, possibly at least partly because Meka’s strength is difficult to overcome, gave it up for lost.

“Meee-kaaaa,” she moaned.

“Rachel, we’ve been friends since I moved into the district. We were incredibly close friends for more than a year. You were one of the four closest friends I’d ever had before meeting Beth and company. I miss you being a larger part of my life and of me being a larger part of your life. It doesn’t need to be sexual, but I’d really like you to be more involved with us. I miss you.”

Rachel melted into Meka and began quietly sobbing.

Maren sidled up to me and whispered, “I didn’t know.”

I whispered back, “That’s not a problem. You seem to have incited something that probably needed to happen, so don’t feel bad about it. Meka has told us more than once that she felt lost after the five of them drifted a little apart. She got Kim back earlier in the year and she’s in the process of getting Katie back, although their relationship didn’t change as much as the others. Perhaps this will provide the impetus for Rachel to make more effort at repairing their friendship. We’ve offered her many opportunities to spend time with us, but she’s been so caught up with spending time with her boyfriend. In talking with her recently, she seems like she’s now realizing that. Perhaps your question of her will solidify her realization in her brain. We’ll see whether she uses that to make some minor changes in her life, so please don’t feel guilty.”

She looked to either side, then whispered, “May I ask you about ... sex stuff some time? My mom and I have talked many times, but ... you’ve got such a different ... situation that...”

When she tailed off into a minefield, I took pity on her and replied, “You may, so long as you report any conversations we have to Emma. We all like her and do not want to piss her off. From what we can figure from what you’ve said and from what she’s said on Thursdays, your mom is more positive and forthcoming with you about sex than most parents, from what I understand. Ask Heather about poor support in that vein from a mother.”

She looked at me for a bit, nodded, then said, “I’m so very glad you invited my mom and me to dinner that first time. It changed my life so much for the better. I’m so much happier having smart girlfriends, having an incredible best friend, and my mom is not out trying to find another man. I know there are good ones out there, as you and Civia both have great dads, both of whom are still married to their first wives ... even if one of them has added additional wives.”

She grinned at me, so I grinned back, then pulled her in for a hug.

She breathed deeply in my arms, then said, “This has been one of the best weekends of my life, but, for you, this is probably something like normal. I know you girls need ... time without us around so you can be with your ... lovers. However, I’d really like to spend more time here with you girls. I don’t want to seem needy, but it’s just so fun being here.”

“We’re in the process of trying to figure out how to spend more time with you. We’ve missed having Civia around as much as she used to be here, but we’ve gotten, perhaps, a bit carried away with the wonderfulness of strong sexual relationships with ... all of us. In fact, we’ve been as guilty as Rachel in this. That’s one thing I feel comfortable telling you about sex, although please don’t tell your mom this ... quite yet. We’re not quite ready to let the family’s friends know about the sexual relationships among us, despite that we needed to tell you two. The bit of semi-wisdom is that in a new sexual relationship, it’s incredibly easy to let all other friendships slide.”

She looked into my eyes for quite a while, then told me, “I think I understand. I realize that I may not truly understand until I’m faced with that ... prospect, but I’ll try to keep that in mind.” She looked around, particularly at Rachel still in Meka’s arms but seeming like she was coming out of it, then said, “I do appreciate one lesson that I should really have learned from Mom and her failed second marriage. Sexual relationships are difficult and ... fraught with problems, even when there aren’t children involved.”

“Yes. Statistics show that most Americans do not get it right, that is, marriage, the first time, and many don’t manage it in the second. While currently living in the spectacular blush of new love and new commitment, I can consciously see the potential problems, but I’m not sure I can avoid them like so many people before, including your mom ... and Rhee’s mom, and Gracey’s mom, and Liya’s mom, and Heather’s mom. I do worry about that, particularly with so many of us. There are so many potential points of failure, and it would hurt so much to lose even one of them. While I find this relationship incredibly fun and entirely satisfying, most of us are just kids. What can we possibly know that so many of our parents didn’t?”

Again, she looked into my eyes for a while, then quietly said, “At least you know that failure is possible. So many of my classmates have already failed, some more than once. Of course, I don’t know how many of those ‘He’s It’ relationships got sexual, but some almost certainly had. I realize that I had nothing with them that was anything like the conversation I’ve just had with you, so I don’t know many of the ... aspects of their relationships that I now know about yours.” She looked around, again, then quickly asked, “Could we talk about ... sexual relationships with ... girls?” When I raised my eyebrows, wishing for the umpteenth time that I had Rhee’s skill, she quickly added, “It’s not something immediate nor of relevance to anyone we know. However, you seem very comfortable with sexual relationships with a lot of girls, and that’s something that’s ... severely frowned upon by so many of my classmates. I want to know ... the truth about such things. You’re obviously happy, and I’m sure that my classmates’ reactions to such are mainly due to peer pressure. I don’t want to talk ... mechanics, but more like ... philosophy.”

“That I’d be happy to do for you!” I gazed at her for a few seconds, then added, “Yes. We J residents with the involving sexual relationships need to spend time with you two. Your ‘mechanics’ discussions need to wait for two things. The first is that, at least, Civia is older. The second is that we would need to have informed all the families about us.”

“I can see that.”

After a quick lunch, Meka and Rachel went out onto the front porch to have a more-personal talk while the rest of us took our phones (just in case) and covers and lounged in the not-so-hot tub. Rhee wound up sitting next to Civia, and I was happy to see her arm around Civia and the two of them conversing quietly together at one end. Some 25 minutes after we had climbed in, Meka and Rachel joined us. Rachel made a point of squeezing in next to Maren. The two talked quietly for a few minutes, then Rachel put her right arm around Maren and gave her a strong one-armed hug.

A few minutes later, Rachel stated, “I’d like to ask if I may stay another couple of nights. I know some of you will have figured that Seamus will be back late on Monday, and that is part of the reason I’m asking. However, it is far from the only reason I’m asking. The larger part is that I want to figure out if I want to ... refresh the relationship I used to have with some here and, if so – which is my inclination, how deeply I want to be involved. Excuse me Civia and Maren if you don’t care to hear this and would prefer not to do so.”

“No,” responded Civia. “While I’m not involved with the sexual aspect, it’s occurred to me that this is something of a Las Amadas discussion that needs to happen. Maren and I are members of Las Amadas, and now that we know about the sexual relationship living inside the group, we want to be more involved with anything that impacts the group, even if it’s of a sexual ... nature, even if neither of us will be involved in that. At least, I think we won’t, at least not for a while, if ever, but anything that impacts nearly the whole of the group will impact Maren and me.”

Rachel stared at Civia for a while, then nodded and said, “That makes sense. In that case, I’m not looking to join the ... sexual relationship, but I do want to become comfortable with it, as that will be critical if I am to repair my relationships with Meka, Kim, and Katie. I have found the wherewithal inside me to promise them to work on that, but please don’t be afraid to remind me of my newfound spine. I will be telling Seamus ... and my parents ... that I’ll be spending more time here. I hope and intend that to be a lot more time here. I believe my parents will understand and I think Seamus will. However, I don’t have a contingency plan if Seamus doesn’t understand, but I’ll be pondering that for the next couple of days.”

Civia asked, “Could that mean that you help out with the team after school? I know I could use a lot more instruction on defense, as I still suck at it.”

Rachel gawked across the tub at Civia, then the corners of her lips turned up a bit and she said, “Thanks for the idea. I’d like that.”

“In fact,” Meka cut in, “you should focus a lot more on your defense than you should on learning more O skills, Civia. At high levels anymore, most teams use a high press, and most of the responsibility for that is on the front line. As you are now, you’d probably not see game time on a professional team.”

Civia stared at Meka for a bit, then nodded, answering, “I know that, and that’s why I asked Rachel. I figured that if you, Rachel, Katie, Kim, Gracey, and Rhee could help me, no single one of you would have to spend so much of your time with me. I really want to learn, so I should be a good pupil.”

“You’re on, then,” Meka replied as she smiled. “In fact, if you don’t mind learning some stuff while naked, we could go through some basics right now that don’t involve much in the way of physical learning; rather this would mostly be mental learning.”

Civia stood and raced – as quickly as one can race through hip-deep water – to Meka and threw herself onto her lap and hugged her.

Meka hugged her back, then asked, “You don’t mind hugging a girl that’s having sex with most of your friends?”

“Why would I mind? I hug all eight of my parents, and I’m pretty sure they’re all still having sex, even though they’re, like, old.”

When she kept her face blank, I was not sure what the others would think, but she had gotten the Go5 with that innocent face too many times for me to believe she was truly being disparaging. Indeed, after a few seconds, her face broke into her beaming, sparkling-eyed grin that she breaks out occasionally with us when she’s really happy.

Maren threw her for a loop, though, saying, “Eight? Is my mom one of those eight?”

Civia’s eyes rounded, and she quickly replied, “Yes, but I didn’t think that through. Unless ... What do you know ... or think?”

Maren laughed heartily at Civia, then said, “Nothing. But I don’t get you very often and I had to try. Although, our various parents do seem to like each other a lot.”

“Do you really think...?”

Maren shook her head and replied, “No, but I don’t have much experience with my mom having good friends. Besides, I’m not going to upset anything that may or may not be going on, as my mom is happy, I’m happy with my best friend ever, I’m happy I have other interesting friends, and for the first time I can really remember, I’m happy with my life. I told Beth earlier that this has been the best weekend of my life, and I’d like you and me to have more weekends like this here.”

“Yes, this was really good. This is the sort of thing we had frequently. I understand, sort of, about why the other girls haven’t been inviting us, but it’s always so good being here.”

Meka chuckled and said, “We’ll invite you more often. We realized that we’ve been neglecting you, so we’re aware of it, now. We also need to figure out how and when to get you here when Brett and Lana are here, even though we’ll be even more interested in the ... sexual aspect of the LA when they’re here.”

“Please do. We don’t get to spend non-soccer time with them, and I like them.”

When Civia’s eyebrows rose nearly to her hairline after her response, I knew she had suddenly taken in another meaning of Meka’s words that Meka, herself, had allowed out of her mouth. Meka quickly realized the same thing.

“Sh-oot. I know why you responded like that, Civia. I didn’t mean to let that cat out of the bag. Can you conveniently forget about that?”

Civia smiled and responded, “Yes, but only because it’s so rare for any of us to catch you in a mistake. Besides, it’s not like they’ll be making any ... babies. That’s ... much of the problem with ... Oh, what’s that word? ‘Con’ something.”

“Consanguinity,” asked Kim.

“Yes. Con-san-guinity. Same blood. That’s why related people are not supposed to ... have sex. Right?”

“Something like that,” Kim continued, “but the sex is not the real problem. Procreation can be, as related people can share the same bad recessive genes. That is, a recessive gene that one gets from one parent is one that’s not expressed in the person because the other parent’s matching gene is dominant. So, if two people have the same bad recessive gene and both pass it on to their child, the kid has the genetic problem that the recessive gene causes.

“Here’s the problem with all that. The... ‘rules’ ... for want of a better term ... for dealing with consanguinity were created before we had any idea there were such things as cells, much less genes. Particularly in royalty, first cousins married somewhat frequently, and that’s the relationship between Brett and Lana. That’s probably part of the reason behind some of those royal lines having congenital problems and also passing on unattractive features such as the Hapsburg chin. The result is that the problems that ... inbred lines had ... had been noticed and that ‘rules’ – whether laws or just general, unlearned suppositions – were made, and those caused polities to pass laws against too-close consanguinity, when all that really needs to happen is having such ... couples not reproduce. Even then, today’s genetics field could allow such a couple to reproduce with much less concern about the consequences. Not for all such couples, certainly, but at least for some.”

Civia slowly nodded her head a few times at Kim, then turned to face Maren and said, “This is one of the reasons I love being here. I frequently learn so much cool and interesting stuff. I guess I’m going to have to read more on genetics, but, thanks, Kim. I think I understand your point. What you’re saying is that we shouldn’t have a ... knee-jerk response to things like ... first cousins being ... lovers, so long as those cousins are aware of the potential problems. I assume that one of the potential problems is the ... would it be the social cost? At least, I can see that such children could put more strain on ... government stuff like schools that must hire special teachers to teach ... special-Ed classes and that sort of thing.”

Kim nodded emphatically and said, “Exactly! Civia, the more time I spend around you, the more impressed I am. You’re so bright! I know seniors – and not just a couple – that couldn’t have understood what I told you so quickly and couldn’t have looked down the road and seen the social costs.”

The interesting side trip of many of our discussions – this time into genetics and odd facial quirks of European royalty – is one of the wonderful features that often crop up whenever this gang gets to discussing things. When this one ended, we grabbed a couple of balls, and Civia, Heather, Char, and I learned some things about one-on-one defense, including watching the ball handler’s midsection. Skilled dribblers can fool defenders with their eyes or feet. However, because the body cannot go where the midsection does not, so keeping an eye on that part of a dribbler’s body is apparently important. It was fortunate that Rhee is both an excellent dribbler and a proficient defender, as she could show us all those things that Meka and others wanted to illustrate.

After a half-hour of instruction, we retired to the J as the parents’ arrival would be soon.

“I can’t believe that I helped teach defending while wearing only my skin!”

Most of us were surprised when Civia responded first, saying, “If you’re going to spend more time here, you’re going to need to become comfortable being naked and doing an amazing variety of things while wearing no clothes. Personally, I loved that session, and do you know why, Rachel?”

“Possibly not.”

“It was because I was learning. My dad says I learn with ferocity. A bunch of male soccer coaches could have arrived and watched the session, but that would have made no impact on me as I was so focused on learning what Meka and you and the others were trying to teach. And the reason I was able to forget that I was naked in front of those male coaches is that I’ve learned to be comfortable with nudity, both mine and that of my best friends. I’ve been naked with the Go5 a lot and it’s more remarkable for me when we’re not nude together here.”

Rachel gazed strongly at Civia as her head began nodding and the nodding increased in pace.

“I see that.” She grimaced, then continued, “It’s become so ingrained in my head that semi-public or public nudity is bad that I’ve been having trouble working around it. Oh, I’ve managed it in the past few days, but the idea is never far from the front of my mind.”

“Oh, it was like that for me when I first began spending time here, but, like my wanting to learn, I really, really wanted these girls as friends, so I pushed myself. Now, I spend a large portion of most days naked and it simply isn’t ... different anymore. It’s now normal, and you can ask the Go5 how quickly that happened with me, and not just nudity when hanging around in Beth’s room or learning defending skills in the backyard. I’m also talking about hugging while naked and sleeping together while naked. The last took me more time than any other aspect of nudity, but even then, when I really, really want something, I learn how to do what I need to do to get to the point of having what I want.”

The resultant pregnant pause was deafening and lengthy as we all tried to figure out what would be Rachel’s reaction to Civia essentially telling her that learning to be comfortable naked with friends was just like learning to be a good defender, that both took desire and focus. I could see when Civia realized how she had painted Rachel into a corner, as her face went red, but she stood her ground and watched Rachel for her reaction.

“You’re saying that I should decide whether I want something strongly enough to work at it.” When Civia nodded, she responded, “Okay. I understand that. You were comparing ... somewhat ... my learning to be a fullback with my learning to be comfortable with friends while naked. However, you also obliquely pointed out that my friends ... which in this case are also your friends ... live naked such that it’s what you call the normal state. Is that right?”

“It is, and I intended no offense if that’s how you took my words.”

“No, I’m not offended, except by the fact that a 12-year-old has more sense than I do. I’ve spent much of my time here on this visit justifying to myself why I’m doing this, when what I should be doing is figuring out what I want and why I want it, then, if the why seems reasonable, doing what I need to do to get what I want.

“Now that you know about the relationships in the J, I feel only a little weird in telling my smart, sensible, 12-year-old friend that what I want is some sexual experience with Brett.” She held up her hand at Civia, then continued, “There’s more backstory, but what I now know I want is that sexual experience with Brett. However, not only is Brett a very nice guy, but he’s also a sensible guy and is not interested in fulfilling my want unless he knows me sufficiently well enough that he’s comfortable with being sexual with me. I understood that aspect for me when I was first dating Seamus, but I seemed to forget that not all boys are ... excuse me ... pussy hounds and that not all boys will accept sex from any sufficiently attractive girl. I forgot that some boys wish there to be ... substance for sex to happen. And that was the first embarrassing moment of my effort to have a sexual experience with Brett. That led, logically, to other aspects that I had ignored, the primary one of which is that Brett would probably not be interested in providing me with sex as a one-shot deal, that he’d be more likely to give me what I want when he could get from me the same that he wants ... and gets ... from all these other girls.”

She looked at Civia for about ten seconds then asked her, “Can you guess what other aspect he’d probably want from me in order to be comfortable being sexual with me?”

Civia stared at Rachel for a while, a time during which I nearly held my breath.

“I know ... little of sex. My parents and, recently, Maren’s mom have told me and the two of us some aspects of it. However, they don’t talk to us about ... mechanics. Instead, they talk about the mental aspects of sex. They’ve said that while there may be a time and place for sex solely for the sake of sex, they’ve all said that ... removing the mind and the desires of the participants from the solution is a recipe for failure. So, I understand Brett wanting to know you much better, despite that, as I said, I really know little about sex. However, something else that seems related would be ... commitment. If he’s going to invest in you, he’s going to want a return investment from you. At least, what I know of relationships suggests that could be true. Mom and Dad say that’s one of the ... aspects of ... sex that many people screw up. That is, one ... person wants one thing, but the other wants something else. Someone gets hurt.”

Rachel gritted her teeth, turned her face to the ceiling, and rattled her brain. After a few deep breaths, she looked back at Civia and stated, “I assume you’ve never had sex with anyone but yourself, and almost certainly not with a guy.” She did not say anything about Civia going red at her sentence, but added, “You’re right, and I got carried away with thinking that this would be simple and easy, when, of course, it’s neither.” She dropped her head and looked at the floor, then returned her visage to Civia and said, “Thanks, Civia. You’ve helped me learn a couple of lessons today. I suspect I know what you’d do if you were me ... or ... had the want that I have. Now, I just need to figure out how much I want what I want and whether it’s worth the effort to get it. Unfortunately, the decision is not quite that simple. You’ll learn, if you haven’t already – which now seems unlikely, that some desires come at the cost of others.”

She turned to me and asked, “You’ve already said I could stay another couple of nights. Could I get one of the upstairs rooms by myself tonight? I have some ... soul-searching to do.”

I considered hugging her, but that seemed wrong right here and now, so I responded, “Yes, you may. I suggest the north bedroom on the second floor.”

“Thanks ... everyone. Please help me put off that soul-searching until tonight. Can we do something ... at least somewhat riveting to take my mind off it?”

I held my hand up and turned to Civia, “I’m sorry. Were you two staying here tonight? You’re more than welcome, I just don’t remember ... if I even knew.”

“We’d like to, and we have clothes for school tomorrow.”

“What does everyone think about having dinner out, either in Olde Towne at Granny Brown’s or we could drive somewhere else?”

There was unanimity in liking the idea of dining out and we soon decided on our favorite Thai place. Liya called to get us a sufficiently large table for which she dropped Sandy’s name, after which we all hopped in the shower.

At Civia’s behest, Liya had done the random assignment of buddies to our even number of girls. I am positive Liya did not rig the randomness, but we were all suspicious when Civia was assigned as Rachel’s buddy. Fortunately, Rachel was upbeat about it.

“That’s great! Come on, Civia. We’ll get the good shower heads!”

Rhee cracked up, as did the rest of the Go5, as she had used that line once. After we had a fun time in the shower being silly girls, we repaired to our bedroom and closet to dress for our outing. Rachel pulled Civia aside.

“If it seemed I was upset with you, I apologize for allowing that impression, as I’m not upset with you. I’m upset with someone, but it’s not you.”

“Thanks, Rachel. It’s you. Right?”

“It is and given how insular the Go5 said you were before they met you, you seem quite facile with the social aspects of all of us. Civia, I appreciate you making me see the obvious today, even if that’s not what you intended. Sometimes, I wonder if it was worth turning 15. At 14, Meka, Kim, Katie, Hope, and I were nearly inseparable. We were supremely happy, and then something odd happened between Meka and Kim. Well, the other three of us thought it was odd back then, although all but, perhaps, Hope now know what that was. They were our center, and I think we all lost a little bit with our center knocked out from under us. Kim simply threw herself into boys. I didn’t do poorly, and accepting that first date with Seamus when I was 16 probably was not influenced by what happened to us a year earlier. However, I lost the only confidantes I ever had when Meka and Kim shivered the solid block of granite we five had been. I think Hope’s still trying to recover from that, although she’s less lost than she’s been.”