Chapter 47

August 16, 2017

Dear Ms. Diary,

[Written August 17]

I was woken by a whispered, but very demonstrative, “Fuck, yes!” I turned to my right and looked at Heather, who had taken notice of my movement and turned to look at me, all but her head under the sheet.

“I take it that you just woke up and realized that you’re here for good.”

Heather smiled at me and nodded.

“I’m happy, but right now the feeling that is in the forefront of my awareness is relief,” she whispered. “While becoming your friend ... and vice-versa ... and becoming part of the Go5 made for a happier existence, my living situation was always dragging on that happiness. We might have moved at any time. Some other shit might have happened. I am greatly relieved that my happiness is ... relieved of that weight that was keeping it from soaring.”

I smiled at her, put my right arm under the sheet, wrapped it around Heather, and pulled myself in closer to her. I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

“I’m very happy about your happiness’s relief.”

“I’m very happy that my day is here,” came from the other side of Heather.

I lifted my head to look over Heather at Rhee.

“Got ego?”

“I’m very happy about Heather’s happiness’s relief. I’m very happy for our happiness, as our wife will now be with us almost every night and every day. I’m very happy that my day is here.”

Heather snickered; I grinned. The alarm jolted all of us.

The soccer meeting was not what I expected, though I did not have a good idea of what to expect. It was quite different from anything Coach had done with us previously. It also took longer than I expected. Coach met with each of us separately from the rest of the team. From my discussion with the other Go5 team members about what the others experienced, Coach told each player in what areas that player had improved this season and upon what areas she thought the player should focus improvement effort in the future. She also had each of us fill out a form, while we were one-on-one with Coach, a form that asked various funny and serious questions, and told us that we were allowed to answer any question with our own name, except for questions #2 and #4. She also told each of us to think carefully about the questions, particularly the wording of the questions. I asked Coach if she had a spare form that I could keep. She cocked her head at me in question, but then smiled and handed me an extra. I copied the questions verbatim, below.

Who was the most-improved teammate over the course of the season?

Who is the teammate that you’d most want to have your back in a dark alley?

Of the players on the team for the first time, who had the most impact?

Which teammate would you want to sit next to while taking an exam for which you didn’t prepare?

Which teammate do you feel is most likely to play for a national or major professional team?

Who is your most-devious teammate?

Which teammate do you feel might accomplish the most in national or professional soccer?

If the team absolutely needed a goal, to whom would you pass the ball?

If the team absolutely needed a laugh, to whom would you turn?

Who is the team’s most valuable player?

Coach kept all the forms we filled out without saying anything about them. I suspect that all will be revealed at the banquet on the 25^th.

When the meeting broke up, I found Civia, who was just starting to leave with her mother.

“Hi, Mrs. Palecek. The girls and I wanted to put a bug in your ear about inviting Civia over for a day in the next week or so. We can come get her and return her. Our best options are tomorrow and Monday, Wednesday, or Thursday next week. We also wanted to test the waters for her staying overnight.”

She looked down at Civia, who was smiling and nodding her head at her.

“Though tomorrow is out, I think that we could manage one of the days next week. What do you think about spending the night, Civia?”

“I would really like that, Mom. Would you be okay with that?”

“We would really miss you, but I think you should do it, if it’s all okay with Beth’s parents.”

Mrs. Palecek gave me a questioning look, to which I answered, “Actually, my mom suggested that. She likes to get to know my friends well and she really likes Civia ... so far.”

I grinned at both of them.

“Actually, if Thursday would work, we could bring her to the team banquet on Friday night and hand her off to you. You are coming, right?”

“Oh, Mom, may I? I would really like to spend that much time with ... my friends.”

Mrs. Palecek looked from Civia to me and said, “We are all going to the banquet. Coach Virtanen has convinced us that she really does consider Civia as part of the team, and we want to support Civia’s obvious interest in belonging with this team. Coach Virtanen and you girls that have taken our Civia under your wings have convinced us that our daughter is being well-served by this team. We’re happy that she has friends, even if they are years older. Civia has been happier than we’ve seen her in years and, though she’s still not a garrulous girl, she’s much more talkative and what she talks about, mostly, is her friends. You five girls. Will all five of you be there Thursday?”

“If Civia will be there, all five of us will be there. We like hanging with her.”

Upon returning home with the whole Go5, we quickly ransacked my clothing, as I made decisions on what to toss and what to keep. Heather had dibs on anything that I opted to toss, and she pulled quite a few items aside. We also pulled a few things that we thought Civia might like. On the way to Second Chance Wear with the stuff that I decided to jettison, I told Dad about the plans for Civia staying over. He agreed to drive me or us to get her next Thursday morning.

At Second Chance Wear, the owner was surprised at how much I’d brought and offered to give me $75 on account. I thought about it and counter offered.

“How about you make it $25 on account and put the rest toward giving cost breaks to girls that might not be able to afford something that they want? I know that most of the stuff here is relatively inexpensive, but I know girls that, despite the price, cannot afford much of it.”

He looked at me for many seconds, then smiled.

“Agreed, with one alteration. I’ll put $75 into that... “fund,” and still give you $25 on account.” He looked up at Dad and said, “Your daughter?” When Dad nodded, he said, “I recognize her; she’s been in here many times. She’s very well behaved, always puts stuff that she doesn’t buy back the way she found it. Now, I see that she’s also generous. You seem to have raised a wonderful daughter.”

“Her mother and I think so. Thank you for both accepting her offer and making an offer of your own. We’ve just semi-adopted another girl her age who is a girl about whom Beth’s words fit all too well. May I also add $25 to that fund?”

I added, “Please, don’t tell anyone from where the financial assistance comes. If anyone asks, just say that a few citizens wanted to help.”

The rest of the Go5 had lunch ready when we returned, after which the five of us tried to figure out how to get a wardrobe or an armoire for Heather into the bedroom or closet. While we were working on that, Dad knocked on the jamb.

“Hey, Dad, you can help us figure out how to do this. We need...”

Dad interrupted with “An armoire for Heather. Yes?” When I nodded, he said, “How about a bigger closet?”

“Well, yeah, that would work, I suppose. Where are you going to get one?”

“By knocking out part of the wall between this closet and the storage space and giving you three half of that space.”

“Ummm, okay. What are you going to do with the things that are in that space, already?”

“The three ‘R’s: Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.”

The six of us discussed that for a bit, and, since Dad said that we could get the remodel done soon, we decided that we’d get Heather an armoire and put it in Gracey’s and Liya’s room as a stopgap. Once Dad left us, I looked at Liya fully expecting her to be staring at me. I was right.

“I know, Liya. They’re spending a lot of money on us. I just haven’t had the chance to bring it up with them.”

“Hey,” Heather exclaimed. “If I have to get comfortable with my adoptive parents buying me stuff, you do, too. It’s obvious that we needed the larger vehicle, as all five of us will be here for six months. While I could certainly get by without an armoire or anything similar, it will be easier on all ... on the three of us living in this room if I have somewhere discrete to store my clothes, rather than splitting my stuff among your spaces.”

Liya beat me to the response.

“Yes, but that’s not the ultimate point. Beth and I have talked about this and we don’t know the source that is permitting this ... oh, what’s that word ... umm ... profligacy. Are they digging themselves a credit hole, or do they actually have the money? Personally, I’d rather do without some stuff in exchange for knowing that my second home, here, is secure, and that they aren’t mortgaging their future just to allow us a bit more comfort.”

“I can see that. What I can’t really see is our ... three adoptive parents going out on such a limb. Look at this house and furnishings. It’s all nice, but it’s not ... The place is not like a museum where you feel that you can’t even sit on a chair or a couch. Charlie and Sandy don’t buy fancy stuff just to have fancy stuff. They buy nice, serviceable stuff. I assume that building this house and furnishing it originally, particularly in this neighborhood, cost a bundle, but they spent the money on the location and, barring unforeseen circumstances, I’ll bet that this house’s value has increased quite a bit since they built it. Finally, until recently, they had nothing to spend money on, other than Beth, and they certainly haven’t spoiled her with gobs and gobs of fancy stuff, not that Beth would want such.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if the house is already paid off, or is nearly so, given that they both make pretty good salaries. I know that tenured professors make good money and I assume that bank branch managers aren’t paid starvation wages. While I understand your concerns, I’ll bet that you’ll find that those concerns are unfounded.

“Look. They’ve recently semi-adopted three girls and they want to make sure that those girls are comfortable with their new situation. Yes, Sandy’s spending of money on clothes for us, particularly the sorts of clothes that we’ve gotten, is unnecessary, at least, mostly so. But, Beth, do you recall them spending much on wants as opposed to on needs?”

During her expostulation, I stared at Heather with more than a modicum of surprise. I should have known better and expected more. We’ve certainly underestimated her many times. Apparently, she’s had some cause to study finances. I broke out of my brief pondering of Heather’s mind.

“Not really. I’ve always had what I needed and even got a fair bit of what I wanted, but, other than this soccer team, they’re never spent a lot of money on me. Quality, yes, but big-name brands, not necessarily. I can certainly remember Mom telling me that I didn’t need the really fancy coat that I wanted when I was, umm, eight, when I was just going to outgrow it.” I snickered, then said, “I remember throwing something of a tantrum about that coat, but I didn’t get it. I’d grown three inches by the next winter and Mom made a point of that with me, with the coat that I had gotten that no longer fit well. I have no recollection of the price of the coat I wanted, but Mom did say something about the coat that I’d just outgrown was less than half the price of the coat I had wanted.”

I looked at Liya; she shrugged. I sighed. Deeply.

“I guess it’s time that I sit down with them and talk about these things. I’ll do it this week.”

“No, Beth,” Rhee said. “We’ll do it. In fact, I think that we should consider this to be a family-as-a-whole discussion topic. Perhaps you could ask them with what they’d be comfortable discussing as far as household finances and whether we could all take part or just you and me. I would bet that they’d be willing to discuss it with all of us, since we’re all going to be here for so long.”

I looked at Rhee for a while, then nodded. I glanced at Liya.

“You may be right, Rhee. I’ll ask. Now, so that we might get the discussion done before your ... date.”

We grinned at each other, then I trundled down the stairs. When I asked Dad if we could have a whole-family finances discussion, he looked at me with an odd expression, then told me that Sandy and Carol would both be home before 4.

“Are you worried about your inheritance,” he asked with a grin.

“Not really, but we have noted that Mom and you have been spending a lot of money on us, either directly or indirectly. We, that is the entire Go5, have concerns. Well, Heather doesn’t, and she made some valid arguments supporting her point of view. I guess that we could use some assurance that you’re not overspending just to make us happy. While I doubt that any of us would really believe this, I’m sure that a certain thought that has crossed my mind has also crossed Liya’s. She’s particularly concerned.”

“Okay. Let’s all sit down and hash this out as soon as the Moms get home. However, Beth, if I have interpreted your vague hint correctly, then I am disappointed that you’d consider the possibility that we’d buy sex from you five.”

I colored severely and ducked my head.

“In your defense, there are aspects of our finances that we have kept from you ... for what we considered to be good reasons. That ... secrecy has worn out its welcome if any of you could actually entertain the thought that we’d be so mercenary as to even consider buying the Go5’s sexual favors. So, while I’m disappointed, I can see how that thought might have come up. We’ll make it very clear to all of you this afternoon.

“I need to cool down, so I’m going to our bedroom to do that.”

I quickly looked up as he finished that sentence and turned on his heel and walked away from me.

FUCK!

I haven’t had Dad this upset with me in ... a long time. Though I clenched my jaw, gritting my teeth, I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. I stood, unmoving, in the living room, tears rolling down my cheeks, and trying like hell to keep from whimpering or, even, sobbing loudly. I was managing not to make too much noise and had begun getting hold of myself when Liya came downstairs. Though it did not make much impact on me at the time, I do recall thinking that, of all the others, Liya was the Go5 member that was least likely to make a furor over my crying.

Liya took one look at me and wrapped me in an embrace and quietly asked, “What, Beth?”

While, as I expected, Liya did not holler up the stairs to the others, the negative of Liya being the one to find me is that I had suggested to Dad that Liya, too, had pondered the thought that had annoyed Dad severely, and I had guessed about that; neither of us had stated it. That thought ended all control that I had managed; I broke down. I pulled out of Liya’s arms, ran upstairs, and threw myself onto the bed, face buried in a pillow, sobbing uncontrollably.

Needless to say, everyone was alarmed and began asking what was wrong. Well, Rhee did not. She immediately laid next to me, pulled me into her arms, rolled me a quarter-turn away, then skootched herself into me, tucked my head into her left shoulder, and wrapped her arms around me.

Apparently, the others got the message to leave me be, but that just meant that the only sounds in the room were my sobs. That embarrassed me further and exacerbated my situation, extending the time it took me to wrest control of myself from my emotions. Knowing from my past that if I tried to make the problem known to the others before I had myself well in hand, I would just further extend the lack of control, I did not try to speak.

Rhee continued to hold me, just hold me. Heather climbed onto the bed behind me and added her arms and warmth and caring to that of Rhee. I almost lost it again marveling at how much the addition of Heather made to my gaining control. Contradiction in terms, Ms. Diary? I know. Crazy.

While it seemed like it took forever, Heather later told me that it was only a couple of minutes before I leaned back into her and turned my head to look at her, my crying nearly over. I wormed my left hand out from their arms and wiped my eyes, sniffled a few times, then lurched enough to get their holds on me loosened enough for me to sit up, my back against the headboard. Looking up and around, I certainly had everyone’s attention. Just that nearly caused a loss of control, but I gritted my teeth, inhaled, and took myself to task.

My first attempt at a word came out as a strangled grunt, but I tried again.

“I screwed up. NO! I fucked up! Though I did not say it in words, I allowed Dad to discern that I had pondered the thought that Dad and the Moms were spending money on us in order to have us keep having sex with Dad.”

The anger I had at myself helped me get that admission out, but I still had to inhale deeply to keep from breaking down, again, particularly when seeing the shock on Gracey’s face and hearing the surprised inhalations from Heather and Rhee.

I cut off their nascent questions and turned to Liya.

“I’m very sorry, Liya, but, despite that you had never said any such thing to me, I intimated that you, too, had entertained that thought. I wouldn’t blame you for hating me for it.”

That did it for me; I began crying, again.

“STOP IT,” Liya screamed over my crying, which knocked me back enough to lessen my outburst.

“Stop it,” she said more calmly. “I do not hate you. I will never hate you, for a variety of reasons. The most important reason right now is that I did consider that thought. It has popped into my head on multiple occasions. I thought that that was the understanding between us for getting answers from Dad and the Moms.”

That brought me up short and enabled me to quit crying.

“I didn’t just imagine that, then?”

Liya looked hard at Heather as she moved around the bed to that side of it; Heather sat up and made room for her. Liya knelt on the bed next to me, put her hands on my shoulders, and looked hard into my eyes.

“Beth,” she said gently, “I know that you know this, as we’ve discussed it before. You and I ... our minds often travel the same paths, particularly in complex social situations like this. We are always trying to discern the impetus for others’ actions, in order to understand those actions. I assume from your reaction to the discussion with Dad that Dad is none too happy with you – and me – for considering such base motivations for spending money on us. Is that right?”

I could do nothing but nod at her.

“In that case, I will share in the consequences as, in this case, we are no different. I know that we both had trouble reconciling our knowledge of Dad with that ugly possibility, but, if you’re like me, then you had to examine it, too. Yes, it was unlikely – HAH! There’s an understatement! – that Dad could entertain such an ugly idea, but for us, for our sister-friend-lovers, we had to entertain it and make sure ... absolutely sure ... that we weren’t taken advantage of in that way.

“Beth, each of us in the Go5 has different abilities, though there is broad overlap within the Go5. You and I have the lead on social analysis, though Heather is no slouch in that department. You and I look for the social landmines to protect not only ourselves, but also our sister-friend-lovers. Everyone is wrong at least occasionally. I’ve certainly been very wrong before, so much so as almost to destroy my relationship with my mother. If we are wrong about the reasons behind this sudden splurging on us – and realize that neither of us has really thought it possible, then we admit it and explain why we had to consider the possibility.

“Your father loves you so very much and is so very proud of you. While I can certainly see that he would be very hurt that you could even think such a thing, it does not change the basic facts of his incredibly strong love for you as his wonderful daughter. Each of the rest of us knows ... KNOWS ... that Dad truly loves us as daughters, no matter what other aspects of love he has for us. First and foremost, we are all his daughters, genetic or quasi-adopted.

“You know Dad better than any of us, but we all know that he will truly forgive you and me for entertaining even the slightest possibility that Dad could be like that. He will understand.”

“Umm, yeah. He did say that there was some sort of mitigating circumstance, something that Dad and Mom had kept from me regarding family finances. He said that they would explain all to all of us this afternoon. Oh, both Moms will be home before 4; I imagine that we’ll have the meeting shortly after Dad can talk to them in private.”

I turned to Rhee and said, “I’m sorry, Rhee. This is your night, and I’ve both riled and depressed Dad and now we’re going to have some big family meeting, the end result of which I cannot guess. I’M SORRY!”

I tried very hard not to break, but the thought that I had ruined Rhee’s night hurt so much. And I had nowhere to flee.

“I’M SORRY-Y-Y-Y-Y!”

Rhee wrapped herself around me and whispered “Hush” in my ear. “Hush, Beth. I love you. You’re more important to me than having sex with Dad. We’ll get through it all. Liya is right. Dad loves you so much and he will understand. Remember, he knows that you and Liya are the social-situation queens. He’ll understand why you had to ask.”

Rhee helped. She helped a lot. She had spent more time in Dad’s presence than our other three sister-friend-lovers had put together. Her words made me remember that Rhee knew Dad well. Could she be right that Dad would forgive me and, more importantly, Liya? I certainly hope she is right, that Liya is right.

We got back to some semblance of normality for us, but it was something of a stilted normality for a while. It felt like everyone was thinking hard about our situation as a group and of our own situations as they related to Dad and the Moms, particularly to Dad.

A bit after 2:30, we tentatively wandered down to the living room and began our YouTube “game” in which one person picks a video to watch and majority ruled as to whether we continued to watch it after the first six minutes (if it had not ended by then). After about 45 minutes and quite a few videos, I heard Dad in the kitchen. I stood without saying anything and started making my way there. I could feel all of their eyes on my back.

As I hit the entryway, I saw that Dad had a glass of ice water in front of him on the table and that he was most of the way through a sandwich of some sort. He must have seen me enter, as he turned toward me immediately. I held up my hand in the stop indicator and took a few more steps toward him.

“I’m sorry, Dad, that I hurt you.”

He shook his head, inhaled, then exhaled.

“I’m sorry, too. Something that Sandy and I set up to protect you when you were younger has come back to bite us on the ass. I don’t know why we didn’t decide to come clean earlier. We both know how bright you are, how bright all your friends are. We also both know that you and Liya cannot help analyzing situations, looking for the causes, the roots of why things happen the way they do. This ... um ... misunderstanding, though I don’t think that’s the correct term, but it’s as much our fault ... No, it’s mostly our fault.”

“No, Dad,” I responded with, perhaps, too much vigor.

“No, Dad,” Liya said as she charged into the kitchen. “This is partly my fault. If you’re going to be mad at Beth, reprimand Beth, you have to do the same to me.”

Dad just stared at Liya for what seemed like eternity, but was barely a few seconds, then burst out laughing. It was all I could do to keep from laughing, too, when I turned to see the indignant expression on Liya’s face. However, I had to take action when she straightened to her full height and began taking a deep breath in anticipation of a knock-down, drag-out fight.

“Down, Liya!”

That interrupted whatever Liya had planned as the beginning of her onslaught of sharp words. Dad helped by reining in his laughter and putting on a serious face.

“Wait! Both of you. Liya, I don’t need protection.” That put her back up, but I quickly realized why and said, “No, it’s not that I don’t want you protecting me. I appreciate that you are willing to protect me and I love you for it. It’s that I literally don’t need protection. Dad thinks that most of the blame is his and Mom’s and I was disagreeing with him.”

“Wh ... What?”

“Liya, Beth. I don’t want to get into specifics until Sandy gets here so that we can explain something to all of you. Liya, this ‘problem,’ this disagreement would not have come up except for something that Sandy and I decided many years ago. Please trust me, we will make it all clear to all of you, shortly. You will then both understand why your consideration of a particular possibility is unfounded and you will both understand why the fault lies with Sandy and me.”

“I cannot see how that can be.”

“Please, Liya, trust me. It’s fact.” Dad lifted his head and rolled his eyes and exhaled. “All of you, please wait for the explanation that Sandy and I will give you as soon as we can after the Moms get home. I have requested that they expedite their return if possible, but neither was able to commit to any earlier than...” he looked at the kitchen clock “a half-hour from now.”

I turned to see the other three crowded into the kitchen entryway. Dad’s voice caused me to turn back toward him.

“Liya, Beth. I am guessing somewhat, here, but my guess seems logical to me. You two ... you two were trying to protect all of you. Yes?”

I turned back to Liya, whose eyes were waiting for mine. I saw something in her eyes; perhaps the same thing that she saw in mine.

I turned to Dad as Liya said, “Yes, Dad. Though the idea was far-fetched, we had to be sure that our understanding of you was correct and that the idea, the thought was incorrect. I do need to say that Heather expressed complete trust in you. I need to say it because she will not be seen as bragging by telling you that she never considered the possibility to be a possibility at all.”

“Though I spent nearly an hour being very hurt, eventually my mind came to that supposition. That understanding of the driving force behind that unvoiced question hinted at by Beth in our earlier talk. You two would make incredible mothers if you have a mind to go in that direction. You are incredibly fierce, incredibly protective of your family, even when it’s other family from whom you’re protecting them. Your commitment to your ... sister-friend-lovers supersedes even your commitment to us, to the Moms and me. Doesn’t it?”

I turned back to Liya so that we could stare at each other’s minds, again. After a few seconds, she nodded her head minutely; I turned back to Dad.

“It’s more complicated than that, Dad. Though some things don’t have a right and a wrong, this one did. Rather, the possibility, as unlikely as it was, did have a right and a wrong. We would defend you ... you, Dad, and the Moms, against one or more of us if whatever possibility arose had a right and a wrong and our sister-friend-lovers were in what we believed to be the wrong.

“We sincerely hope that there never comes a time that we have to choose among subsets of family in a situation without a right and a wrong.”

“I also hope that. I love all of you and would absolutely hate being estranged from any of you.”

“Dad, would you join us in our YouTube game,” Heather asked.

Dad frowned in question, then vocalized the question, “YouTube game?”

“You’re smart; you’ll catch on. Come on. Join us.”

Dad smiled at Heather and said, “Okay.”

Oddly enough, it was Heather’s turn to pick the video and she chose one from the SciShow Space channel on “Building a Dyson Sphere.” She explained to Dad that since the video was shorter than our six-minute limit, we would not have to vote on whether to watch it to the end or not. At the end, Heather told Dad that it was his turn to pick.

“What sorts of videos are acceptable?”

“Anything that could teach us something ... all of us. So, no videos on, say, vector analysis, from which you would learn nothing.”

“Ah. And if it’s longer than six minutes, everyone votes at that point on whether we see it to the end or the next person in line picks a new video?”

“See, I knew you’d catch on,” Heather responded.

Dad picked a video from the general SciShow channel on “7 Things We Don’t Know About the Ocean.” We voted to watch it to the end.

Two videos later, the garage door went up, an action that woke my stomach butterflies. Yes, Dad seemed to suggest that all would be, not only revealed, but okay. However, I still felt a bit of consternation over the meeting.