Chapter 15: The Waiting Game

Tuesday, August 10, 1982

I tried to keep busy with computer work and Debate work. It might have helped, some.

I knew I’d been putting off calling Jessica, and she’d been quiet as well. Maybe too quiet. Things were going to have to get sorted out, with her at least. List or not, I couldn’t just leave her hanging.

Jasmine was my focus, though, and with things uncertain there, it was hard to concentrate on anything else.

Flipping through the paper, I got one bit of very good, very long-awaited news. Diet Coke was finally out! Hurrah! I could switch over now! Oh, I’d greatly reduced my appetite for soda overall, but sometimes I wanted one, for itself or for the caffeine, and I had thirty-five years of experience drinking Diet Coke to tell me that it wasn’t going to give me cancer or screw up my brain or anything like that. I’d just be starting two years earlier this time than last time.

Angie came by early in the afternoon.

“I have a bit of news.”

“Oh?”

“Emily is ... rethinking things. Don’t expect the boys today, but there’s some sign of light.”

“Good! Good news is welcome.”

She came over and gave me a big hug, not saying anything. I hugged right back.

After a bit, she said, softly, “Keep the faith, big brother. It’ll work out.”

“Thanks, Sis.”

Jasmine met me outside, giving me a hug and kiss that seemed entirely for Rita’s benefit. “We’ll talk in a bit,” she said, as she broke the kiss.

I just nodded a little, then walked in.

Rita stopped us. “Missed you, hon. Feeling better?”

Jasmine blushed a tiny bit and smiled. “Yeah. It was just a bad headache. And the week before ... you know. That time of the month.”

“Well, hopefully all that’s past you now.”

“I hope so!”

We headed downstairs, holding hands. Jasmine had her acting skills turned on. I would’ve been hard-pressed to see any difference if I wasn’t already aware of the situation. I suspect the people who were noticed the little things — subtle differences in how we were holding hands, how she was sitting, a bit too much smiling — but most people wouldn’t notice anything.

Perhaps an hour and a half into our general festivities, Jasmine gave my hand a squeeze. We headed outside to the same chairs where Sue and I had talked just a couple of days ago.

When we sat, she stared at me as if expecting me to make the first move. When I didn’t, she sighed.

“Not going to say anything?”

I hesitated. “I’m not sure what to say. Anything I say, or don’t say, could make things worse. But ... here goes. I’m still not sure what’s going on. I don’t know how this started, I don’t know what we’re disagreeing over, and I don’t know what you want me to do to fix it.”

She rolled her eyes. “You know I’m not that dumb, and I know you’re not that dumb.”

“I can be clueless. Fine, I’m going to guess this has something to do with Jessica.”

“Duh. So why didn’t you say that first?”

“Because she and I are friends, and that’s all. I’m supposed to be able to have friends, I think, unless the list has a much broader meaning than I thought it did.”

She rolled her eyes again. “So, Gail...”

“What the fuck is it with Gail?” I felt myself losing my cool as I said that, but the damage was done, of course. Gail had become a hot button totally unrelated to her actual importance to me. That a girl Jasmine had never met was so important to her was something I just couldn’t understand.

She sat back for a bit. “I’m not sure I can do this. You’re trying to play the idiot and I know you’re not an idiot. It doesn’t look good.”

“Jas...”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Fine. Jasmine ... I don’t get it. I seriously don’t. Call me an idiot all you like, fine. I don’t know what’s up with Gail. Angie doesn’t know. Doctor Stanton doesn’t know. No one...”

She made an exasperated sound. “Not buying it. There’s one fucking reason. One. None of you are that dumb, which means you didn’t exactly tell them the whole situation. And, since you’re back, I haven’t heard anything from ... oh ... let me see. Paige, Mikayla, Lexi, Sam ... shall I go on? And poor Sue is looking like she’s climbing the walls.”

“Which has noth...”

“It has everything to do with things. There’s one reason. It’s all the same reason. I just ... fine. I can’t do this now. I can’t. We’re going back in there and ... no. I can’t ... Dammit. Fine. We’ll play all’s-well for now.”

“Jasmine ... I...”

“No calls, no turning up at my house, nothing. I don’t know why I’m ... fuck it. I don’t need to explain anything to you. We’ll ... let’s get school started. Then ... gah.”

“Jasmine...”

“I hate this!” She started crying. “Why... why ... did you ... I thought ... oh, dammit. Now I’m crying. Go back inside and I’ll catch up in a bit.”

“I...”

“Go! Now! Or to hell with waiting and thinking about anything.”

I got up and went. I went all the way to the bathroom upstairs on the first floor. I couldn’t sit and cry in the bathroom near everyone else.

Contrary to what I thought, I didn’t cry that much. Oh, some, definitely.

This was another side of Jasmine ... but, was it really? Everyone had said how strong-willed she was, how flighty, how in need of someone even-keeled and steady. I hadn’t seen it, but everyone else had. Maybe it was always there, but just going in the same direction we’d have gone anyway.

If so ... maybe this wasn’t quite as out of character as it felt. I imagine pretty much everyone who gets married (and certainly the vast majority) think, at the time, that they and their spouse are pretty much aligned, pretty much get along, and are pretty much going to make things work. Half of marriages end in divorce, so a lot of people are wrong a lot of the time.

Of the ones that don’t ... well, had that truck found me a year earlier, I’d have missed being a divorce statistic, but my marriage would still have been a train wreck.

And ... Jasmine was still sixteen. Real sixteen. Nothing that’d happened yet was unforgivable. We’d have to do some serious talking, but ... we’d have had to do that anyway. And, I’d much rather have this fight now than have it later, if it came down to one or the other.

Rita spotted me heading out of the bathroom and came over, hugging me.

“You and your girlfriend having trouble?”

I nodded, blushing a bit. “That obvious?”

“Well ... no. But crying, combined with a few other things, and ... yeah. I’m sorry, hon. You two seem great. I hope you can work it out.”

“Thanks, Rita. I do, too.”

“So ... it didn’t go well,” Angie said as we got in the car to head back.

“It did not.”

“I’m really sorry. Did you find out anything?”

“No. Maybe. I don’t know. She seemed upset that I hadn’t gotten in touch with any of the other Drama girls.”

“It’s ... like she’s pushing you towards other girls. Making sure you have a safe landing?”

“That seems ... possible. Maybe. There’s something missing there. I don’t know what, though. I couldn’t really ask her anything. She cut me off over and over.”

Angie made a face. “Classic arguing tactic. I do it, too. Every girl does it. Of course, some guys do, but...”

“Girls are usually better at arguing.”

“I was going to say girls are usually better at language, but that includes arguing, so, yes. It’s really unfair ... but all’s fair when love’s a war.”