Chapter 51: Thanks, Doctor Vader!

April 20, 1987, McKinley, Ohio

“Happy birthday, Kitten!” I exclaimed when we woke on Monday morning.

“I am SO happy my birthday falls in Bright Week!” she exclaimed. “No running this morning! We’ll get our exercise in bed!”

I had absolutely no objections, though we used up all of our time before Elizaveta had to leave for school, so she took two hard-boiled eggs, some cheese, and a few slices of salami from the fridge to eat in her car on the way to the High School. I left at the same time she did, as on Mondays we had our study group breakfast.

“Tessa loved the party,” Clarissa said when we met in the medical school parking lot.

“She did seem to be enjoying herself!”

“She was very popular with the grandfather set!”

“As Mr. Zhuravlyov said about my brother-in-law, ‘I should be so lucky’!”

Clarissa laughed, “Tessa said they’re all harmless flirts because they’re scared to death of their wives if they step even a millimeter out of line!”

“I know the feeling,” I chuckled.

“Oh, give me a break! First of all, you’d never even think about crossing that line, and second, your wife gives you all the freedom you need to be successful in medical school. Not to mention that you sampled two dozen ‘charms’ while you were at Taft!”

“Jocelyn was before I arrived at Taft,” I countered.

“Whatever! My point is, you had all the nookie you could handle, all of it prime quality, and you did NOT ‘settle’ for a horny sixteen-year-old virgin!”

“Wow, Lissa,” I chuckled. “What got into you?”

“Just yanking your chain, Petrovich, because it’s so easy and so entertaining!”

“You’re a pal, Lissa,” I said dryly.

“You love me, and you know it!”

“I do. What did she think of the service?”

“That it was LONG, but she did enjoy the banging on the door with the processional cross and Elizaveta’s maternal grandfather pretending to be Satan!”

“That is a fun part of the service.”

“She almost lost it when he lay down in the doorway and everyone stepped over him!”

“Metaphorically being freed from Hades,” I replied. “And trampling Satan under our feet.”

“The symbolism all throughout Holy Week is cool, because it really brings alive the story.”

“True Christianity is experienced, not learned.”

“Interesting. I’ve never heard you say that before. But don’t you learn from experience?”

“The implication of what the monk, whose name escapes me at the moment, said is that it’s not about reading the Scriptures or the canons or learning theology, it’s about experiencing the love of God. THAT is what makes you Christian. Christianity is not a religion of the mind, but of the heart. We experience the faith with every sense in our services, just as we do in our daily lives — sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. It’s a ‘whole body’ experience. And THAT is where men like Tim Saddler get it so horribly wrong.”

Then why have Sunday School?”

“To feed the mind as well, and to equip believers to answer challenges, because sometimes an intellectual exercise is necessary.”

“Your debate with the aforementioned preacher.”

“Yes. But that’s a rarity. How often do you see me doing that?”

“Rarely, and only when challenged or asked directly.”

“You cannot argue anyone into belief, no matter how hard you try, so why waste the effort?”

“Mark and Alyssa?”

“Were already believers, just poorly taught. My debate with Tim Saddler didn’t convince them to be Christians, it simply led them to question what they’d been taught. And, if you think about it, despite my constant refrain that we’ve heard it all before, there are persuasive arguments against theism of any sort.”

“Wait! You think the arguments are persuasive?”

“Absolutely. And what they show is the absolute impossibility of a rigorous proof that I’m right. Science has literally nothing to say about it, because God is transcendent. That puts us into the philosophical realm, and nobody, no matter how persuasive their argument, has a system so rigorous that it can’t be challenged. Even something as simple as «je pense, donc je suis» assumes the existence of the self, and thus is subject to challenge.”

“That’s «cogito, ergo sum», right?”

“Yes. Descartes initially wrote it in French.”

“Showoff!”

“Thank you,” I said smugly.

“What am I going to do with you, Petrovich?”

I chuckled, “I can think of a few things, but none of them would pass muster with Elizaveta!”

“You’re a nut, Petrovich! But you’re MY nut!”

We entered the building and headed to the cafeteria for breakfast with our study group. After we ate, we headed to class, and late in the afternoon, I headed home to celebrate Elizaveta’s birthday with Mark, Alyssa, Elias, Serafima, and Tasha, who had left Larisa with her mother.

“I was surprised you didn’t have plans with your in-laws tonight,” Mark said while all the women were in the kitchen.

“We did that yesterday afternoon after Agape Vespers,” I said. “Straight home from church, her birthday celebration, and then bed!”

“Making up for Holy Week?” he asked with a smirk.

“Lack of sleep? Yes!”

Mark and Elias both laughed.

“Yes, sleep deprivation was absolutely what I was talking about!” Mark grinned.

“Serafima ever so helpfully reminded me of that very specific benefit of marriage!” Elias said, shaking his head.

“Did you hear back about your job?” Mark asked.

“Yes. I received a letter from the electricians’ union saying I’ve been accepted into the apprenticeship program as of June 15th.”

“How does that work?” Mark inquired.

“I’ll work under the supervision of a Journeyman, which is the next step up the ladder, and is similar to Mike’s situation, if I understand it.”

I nodded, “Medical students are usually trained by Residents, who are themselves being trained by Attendings. So it’s a similar structure to Apprentice, Journeyman, and Master.”

“How long does it take, Elias?” Mark asked.

“About five years, roughly. I’ll work a normal forty hours a week, and have classroom work one day every two weeks. Again, similar to what’s going to happen with Mike starting in June.”

“How much does that cost?”

“Nothing. Well, I have to buy my books, but otherwise, it’s all paid for through the National Joint Apprenticeship and Training Committee, which is run by the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers and the National Electrical Contractors Association.”

Are you basically guaranteed a job?”

“For the training period? Yes, so long as I show that I’m learning, and I follow all the rules, regulations, and building codes. Mostly, though, it’s about doing what I’m told how I’m told to do it by someone who knows all of that while I learn. Once I finish my training, and become a Journeyman, there are fantastic job prospects. I could work anywhere, on all sorts of projects, and study to become a Master Electrician, which would let me sign off on projects, and so on.”

“My dad deals with Masters all the time,” I said. “They have to sign off on any project before it can be inspected for compliance with building codes. I take it we’ll see a wedding in short order?”

“If it were up to Serafima, it would be next Sunday! I think we should wait until after graduation. She’s looking for a job, which I think you know.”

I nodded, “My father-in-law told me. I strongly suspect he’ll hire her at the dealership.”

“That was the impression I had from speaking to him at the Pascha party. She’s going for her interview on Thursday afternoon.”

“Elias, what about seminary?” Mark asked.

“That’s always a possibility in the future. I’m not ready to make that commitment just yet. The bishop spoke to me about ordaining me a subdeacon once I marry and turn twenty, which is only about eighteen months from now. Did you hear about a date from Vladyka?”

“Not yet,” Mark said. “According to Father Nicholas, the bishop’s schedule will be set after Pentecost.”

“Dinner is almost ready,” Tasha said, coming out of the kitchen.

The three of us got up from where we were sitting and went to sit at the makeshift dining table, formed from our dinette table and a card table, covered with a piece of plywood, and then covered with a tablecloth. Tasha, Serafima, and Alyssa brought out the food they’d cooked, with Elizaveta observing, but guarding ‘her’ kitchen.

After we’d eaten, there was birthday cake, which Alyssa had baked, and we sang Many Years to Elizaveta, our usual tradition instead of singing Happy Birthday. After cake and presents, the three women cleaned up, and when they finished, everyone left so Elizaveta and I could have some time together.

“Thanks for skipping study group tonight,” she said.

“Remember what I said about focusing on you? This is part of it.”

“Well,” she smirked, “I have some very specific places which are in dire need of your attention!”

“And what would those be?” I asked with a grin.

“If you don’t know by now, you’re even more hopeless than most men!”

It turned out I did know, much to Elizaveta’s delight.

April 23, 1987, McKinley, Ohio

“Is there any way to get in to see your Prom gig tonight?” Peter asked before our afternoon study session.

“Want to be a roadie?” I asked.

“Do I look like a roadie?” he asked.

“No, but it’s not like we have heavy equipment, either. We’re borrowing mics, cables, and speakers from the school, so the heaviest things we have are two amps, the keyboard, and the drum set. And you don’t have to do anything other than looking like you’re helping.”

“That I can handle! These hands were made for surgery, not wrangling equipment!”

“I doubt you could sneak all of us in, right?” Fran asked.

“If by that you mean spouses or equivalent, I seriously doubt it. We already have Elizaveta and Dona. Elizaveta gets a pass because she’s going to sing our usual duets, and Dona is a ‘roadie’ for the purposes of the gig, along with Kim’s new boyfriend, Jim. So we could probably add one more without too much trouble, and Peter asked first.”

“Are you doing an end-of-the-semester gig at Taft?”

“Yes. May 22nd. I’ll ask Anicka to reserve tickets for you if you want to be in the audience, but if you’re OK with backstage, you can just show up.”

“I think we’ll want to see Robby and Sophia do their thing,” Fran said.

“OK. Tickets go on sale next week, so I’ll call Anicka and let her know to reserve a dozen tickets. If we don’t need all of them, she can add them to the small number of ‘day of the show’ tickets which they hold back.”

“Why do that?”

“Honestly? To make sure that the administration has access to a few tickets up to the last moment if they need them for something. They usually don’t, and there are around twenty-five tickets available at the door. We’ve sold out every concert since we started doing gigs for hire.”

“Do you actually make money?” Nadine asked.

“I think we each make a small amount once you consider purchasing instruments, music, amps, and other equipment. If we were touring, we’d be starving. That’s why the club scene in cities like Cleveland is so important.”

“From the movie the other night, right?” Maryam asked.

“Yes. It really is just a hobby for us, and I’m not sure what will happen after Kim, Sticks, and José finish their graduate work in a couple of years, and I’m starting my Residency. I’m pretty sure we’ll go on hiatus, at least.”

“What would you do then?” Fran asked.

“Who knows? Maybe ‘Mike and the Medicos’, a band of doctors!”

“And of COURSE you get star billing!” Clarissa teased.

“Hey, I’m the lead singer of Code Blue, and the only reason I don’t play lead guitar is that I have limited time to practice.”

“Well, you certainly have the ego for a surgeon!” Fran teased.

“Not even close!” I chuckled. “Mine is no bigger than any of the rest of this group, or Sophia’s. Heck, the Greek girl is more self-assured and more convinced that Greeks are the most advanced culture because they had a few smart philosophers and mathematicians two thousand years ago!”

Everyone laughed.

“Somehow calling Plato, Aristotle, and Socrates ‘smart’ seems to diminish them,” Peter observed.

“Which was Petrovich’s point!” Clarissa declared mirthfully. “And Sophia isn’t even here to defend herself.”

“She doesn’t need to be!” I chuckled. “As with all Orthodox women, she somehow knows what men are thinking, even if she’s not there!”

“If only that were true!” Maryam said, making a rare joke, causing everyone to laugh.

We finished our breakfast and headed to class, where we’d be practicing our clinical exam skills. After class, we had lunch with Sophia and her study group, then spent the afternoon reviewing for the fast-approaching MLE. When we finished, I hurried home to have dinner with Elizaveta, which she had on the table when I walked in as we’d planned. After we ate and cleaned up, I changed into scrubs and we headed to Hayes County High for our Prom gig.

“Hi, Mike!” Erin Edwards exclaimed when we walked into the building.

“Hi Erin,” I replied carefully. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m on the Alumni Prom Committee. Kim didn’t mention it?”

“No. How is your golf game?”

“I haven’t been hit in the head with a club by a clueless Freshman, so there is that! Otherwise, OK. How is medical school?”

“Good. We begin our clinical work in about five weeks. If you’ll excuse me, I need to set up.”

“Sure! Good seeing you!”

She left and Elizaveta grabbed my arm and whispered, “She’s dangerous!”

“Only if you don’t trust me, Kitten,” I soothed.

“I saw her look! It was the same one a lioness has when she’s stalking her prey!”

“Well, the chances of me running into her again are pretty small. She’s at OSU and I won’t be in Doctor Forsberg’s practice during my clinical rotations.”

“But she’s a member at the golf club!”

“Where I haven’t been in two years, except for an occasional meal with your dad.”

“But he wants you to play.”

“Sure, and if I have time, I’ll be with him the entire time! You have nothing to worry about, Kitten.”

“I know her type!”

“And you know ME, too!”

Elizaveta relaxed a bit, “I do. I’m sorry. It’s just...”

“Being pregnant,” I chuckled. “Which is my fault, of course!”

Elizaveta laughed, which was what I’d hoped would happen.

“I’m pretty sure I had a part in that. In fact, I distinctly remember a VERY active part!”

“Me, too!” I chuckled.

“What was that about?” José asked when I joined him on the stage to set up.

“A girl who made a play for me not long after I married. She left for college, but she’s back as an alumna helping with Prom.”

José laughed, “Only YOU would know that ‘alumna’ is the proper feminine singular of the plural ‘alumni’.”

“Clarissa would know,” I chuckled. “She took Latin with me. I also know that if it’s a group of all women, it’s ‘alumnae’ not ‘alumni’, which is used for men and mixed groups. Spanish developed from ‘street Latin’ and inherited all of that gendered crap. Russian has all manner of declensions, too, but it developed along a different branch of the Indo-European tree. There’s a reason I prefer English!”

“Which sounds almost as harsh as German when you’re trying to be romantic!”

“Point taken,” I chuckled. “But for science, English rules! There are better languages for Philosophy, depending on your predilections.”

“Shall we warm up?”

The gig went off without a hitch, and the students loved Robby and Sophia’s schtick, as well as the Blues Brothers songs. Elizaveta and I saved our two duets for the encore section, as Up Where We Belong and Endless Love were perfect closing songs for the Prom.

“How many guys did you just help get laid?” Kim teased after we’d taken our bows.

“Him!” Elizaveta giggled. “Singing those songs makes me want to...”

“Fuck?” Kim asked with a smirk.

“Yes!” Elizaveta exclaimed.

Erin appeared with two female students to hand Kim our check, and Elizaveta slipped her arm through mine and did her own impression of a lioness, though hers was of one guarding her cub.

“You were awesome, Mike,” she said, after giving Kim the check. “And you, too, Elizaveta.”

“Thank you,” I said, hoping my wife would simply let things pass in peace.

“Thank you,” Elizaveta said politely, but to me, it was obvious she was holding back.

“I hope to see you again soon!” Erin declared. “Good night.”

“Good night,” I replied.

She left and Elizaveta relaxed a bit.

“‘I hope to see you again soon!’,” she mocked. “As I said, she’s dangerous!”

“I think I should take you home and make sure you get a very good night’s sleep,” I said.

“Sleep?!”

“I intend to fuck you unconscious!”

“Yes!” she said excitedly.

When we arrived home, we went straight to the bedroom and I did exactly as I’d promised.

April 28, 1987, McKinley, Ohio

“I’m sorry about the way things worked out,” Doctor Smith said on Tuesday afternoon when I was assigned to him. “I spoke with the Medical Director, and you are the first Second Year medical student to make that kind of request since he took over just over a year ago.”

“You can blame that journal article I mentioned which critiqued how medical students are trained.”

“I actually agree with you, and Doctor North absolutely appreciated your initiative, but he’s a complete stickler for rules and procedures. We do things the same way every single time, and in his mind, that minimizes the risk of error.”

“But also has the potential of not allowing variation based on the needs of the patient,” I replied. “That was something Doctor Gibbs and I discussed during my trauma Preceptorship. Do you save the patient or follow the rules?”

“While I agree with what I suspect her answer was, you better be damned sure you’re going to save the patient’s life if you’re going to put your medical license on the line. Great saves will get a slap on the wrist; breaking the rules and having a patient die could potentially land you in jail, depending on the rule.”

“That’s basically what was said — betting your medical license on being right means you better be right.”