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Despite pleas, threats, and resignations from 27 of my 38 editors, I have decided to ignore them. Yes, I'm acceding to the slavering mob, the pitchforked rabble, and the Polar Vortex.
So, today is "Ms. Sloane Presides" day, you 1-bombers. I pulled down the Voting lever, feeling much like the prison official who, sitting in the electric chair to test it for comfort, accidentally pushes the ON button.
Zap me,
Paige
For some inexplicable reason, which I'll explain in a mo., none of my 2018 stories has been nominated for the Big Clit. Now the previous year, eight or ten Winter Jennings sagas made the cut.
The only conceivable reason for this Sophomore Slump is that my readers - admittedly not the brightest of the bunch - have forgotten how to exercise their franchise. In the furtherance of educational … um, furtherance, here you go:
SAMPLE BALLOT:
Author of the Year
Paige Hawthorne
Long Erotic Story of the Year
Winter's Game
Best Gay/Lesbian/Gender Bending Story
Winter's Game
Best Romantic Story
Winter's Game
Best Erotic Story of the Year
Winter's Game
I could continue, but you get the gist. I suggest printing out this Official Voter's Guide to use when you go to your polling station.
You're welcome,
Paige Hawthorne (author)
PS Thank you to the reader who pointed out this blatant miscarriage of Pax et Justitia.
A younger relative, male, was pretty jeeped up to learn that I had received more 2017 Big Clit nominations than any other SOL writer.
A reader, a fan I guess, did the math. For purposes of forensic authenticity, I reproduce his letter in toto. No, not that dog from Kansas, you gomers. Fucking Kansas.
Greetings from across the pond!
In case you didn't know it, Paige, you received a total of 12 Clitorides nominations:
Best New Author:
Paige Hawthorne (You won!)
Best Incest Story:
Winter's Voyage (10th place)
Best Gay/Lesbian:
Winter's Dilemma (2)
Winter's Voyage (7)
Winter's Woes (8)
Best Erotic (New):
Winter's Dilemma (3)
Winter's Gamble (8)
Winter's Secret (9)
Winter's Wonderland (10)
Long Erotic:
Winter's Secret (9)
Medium Erotic:
Winter's Gamble (8)
Winter's Wonderland (9)
This is more than any other writer, let alone a rookie author. Congrats from a fan!
(Name withheld for security reasons.)
Well, that sounded pretty nice (not that I pay the slightest attention to reader scores), but unfortunately didn't hold up when my son double-checked the arithmetic.
Apparently there is a veteran writer on here with one more nomination than I recieved. But how talented, really, can an author who names himself after a bivalve be?
Not paying attention,
Paige
Yes, another Winter adventure - "Winter's Game" - is as ready as it ever will be for public scrutiny. First chapter was posted today. I'll toggle the Hater Switch to the On position when the eighth chapter (out of 16) is posted.
Because Christmas comes on the 25th this year, I'll be posting on a daily schedule (as opposed to every other day). One hopes - doesn't one? - that this will provide ample recovery time before the eggnog flows.
Ululations,
Paige
First of all, props to my editors. Loathe though I sometimes am to admit it, these guys know what they're doing. Often. Sometimes. My award-nominated story - "Winter's Vengeance" - had only 27 spelling errors. A record in and of itself.
Now Ed Noble may not be as well known in, say, London or Stockholm, as he is in Kansas City. But - not for nothing - he does own one-half of the third-largest used bookstore in town.
I join four other authors in the pantheon of Noble finalists. And to think I got my start right here on SOL …
Namaste,
Paige
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