Chapter 6: Submission

That night I lie in my cage feeling relaxed and content. It isn’t something I should be feeling given my situation, but that’s how it is. I again study the torches around the room. One of the torches hasn’t been lit. The careless attendant will undoubtedly be punished if the oversight is discovered. I shouldn’t be concerned about such a thing, but for some reason I am.

I mentally reach out to the unlit torch and imagine lighting it. I sit up suddenly when blue flames leap up from the torch. Flames which are so much brighter than those of the other torches. Wildfire. It’s as well that most of Doranelle is made of stone, or the intense flame could start a fire. I watch the flame for a while, subtly changing its intensity and colour until it resembles the other torches. I’ve tried this trick before and now it seems to come naturally to me. Easy stuff, really, except my iron mask and fetters should make what I’m doing impossible.

If I can use wildfire, then does that mean I can use the rest of my magic? I reach down into my source of power. There’s barely enough magic power in my reserves to do more than a few party tricks. I reach lower into myself; towards the place where wildfire resides. It’s there! My wildfire has returned! But in what quantity? I don’t know. The iron around me may have blocked my other magic returning, but wildfire obviously doesn’t obey the same rules. But having wildfire at my disposal doesn’t tell me what I should do with it.

This is where my mind has become so very confused. When I was on board the ship which brought me to Doranelle, I had a clear goal to achieve. Restore my wildfire and use it to defeat the Fae queen and her acolytes. Now I’m not so sure that it’s the right thing to do. Over the last few days I’ve begun to understand and appreciate Maeve’s position. The confusing thoughts which had worried me at first no longer trouble me. The sense of wrongness hasn’t disappeared entirely, but it no longer disturbs my sleep. Lady Maeve may be cruel and selfish, but she’s been the rightful queen of the Fae for centuries. So long that I doubt anybody can name the heir to her crown. Indeed, I could lay a distant claim to her throne. After all, my mother was a descendant of Maeve’s sister, Mab. But I’m being ridiculous. No slave can become a queen. Although, that said, I was a slave in Endovier and later learned that I was the rightful queen of Terrasen.

My enforced stay in Doranelle has opened my eyes to the truth. Lady Maeve is not the monster I had believed her to be. Now that I appreciate her situation, I understand why, ten years ago, she refused to help protect the Fae living in Terrasen. I want to forgive her for that treachery but my lingering sense of wrongness hold me back.

The fresh marks on my back from Cairn’s whip barely trouble me. When Lady Maeve ordered Cairn to whip me this afternoon, I didn’t question the reason why, or the severity of the sentence. I realise now that my back is a blank canvas for him to paint with my blood. The pain I can endure, reminding me to try harder to please my rightful owner, Lady Maeve. She must be pleased with my progress, as she afterwards ordered Lady Nisa to heal my back of the wounds inflicted by Cairn.

But Lady Nisa’s attitude towards me changed as the day progressed. At first I thought I had done something wrong, but now I’m not so sure. She didn’t hesitate to heal my wounds as soon as Lady Maeve commanded it. Indeed, she did more. She soothed the pain as well as seal the lacerations. She even wanted to erase the marks entirely, but Lady Maeve refused. Lady Nisa’s work was so good that I managed my regular exercises around the annex and throne room without difficulty. I even ran short distances wearing my heavy restraints. I don’t doubt I looked ridiculous, but I’ve no longer any reason to have pride or respect for my appearance. Pleasing Lady Maeve is all that matters.

Thoughts of Rowan enter my mind. Earlier I couldn’t reconcile how Rowan could be my husband. He’s a prince among the Fae, while I’m but a lowly slave. The answer is obvious now. It was my surrender to Lady Maeve which brought about my current slavery. I haven’t always been a slave. What I don’t understand is why that simple fact didn’t occur to me before.

Lord Rowan has every right to annul our marriage now I’m the property of Lady Maeve. I expect he will do so soon, if he hasn’t done so already. A twinge of sadness ripples through my body. The memories of our sexual encounters starts me on the dangerous path of arousal. But I no longer fear being reduced to a state of total helplessness. Lady Maeve seems happy to allow me my fleeting moments of pleasure. It’s all part of the pain and reward regime that she has prescribed. I’ve stepped so far down the path of depravity, that modesty, pride and self respect are fading memories. I’m but a beast to be put to work by my betters.

I bring myself to a heightened state of arousal, but these cravings are no longer a never ending spiral into helplessness. Memories of my experiences at the end of Cairn’s whip achieve the desired result. Soon afterwards I fall into a peaceful sleep.

Lady Nisa wakes me very early the next morning. The high windows I can just see in the throne room show no sign of daylight. She unlocks my cage door and orders me to step onto the plinth. I quickly shake the sleep from my senses and look at her for her next command. She’s clearly worried; it’s as though something is seriously wrong.

She hands me a glass of clean water. I take hold of it, but I don’t drink it. She’s testing me again. Why is she doing this? A slave can only drink the golden nectar gifted by a Lord or Lady.

“Drink it, Aelin,” she says. “Try to remember who are and what you need to do.”

I look at her in disbelief. She called me by my old name. And she wants me to drink pure water. This is wrong. So very wrong. I give the signal to indicate I don’t understand her order.

“Speak, Aelin,” pleads Lady Nisa. “Remember who you are. You’re the Queen of Terrasen.”

Yes, I know who I was. But Lady Maeve took my name and title from me when she enslaved me. I’m confused. I mustn’t disobey Lady Maeve’s instructions. It’s very wrong to do so. Why is Lady Nisa trying to make me disobey? My look of dismay causes Lady Nisa to try another tack. She takes the glass of water from me.

“Lie down, slave,” orders Lady Nisa.

I do so without hesitation. Again I sense her magic probing and in a matter of seconds she has the invisible channel open between us. I refuse to enter her mind. It was so wrong of me to do so before. I simply wait while she performs whatever task she intends to do. I sense my source of power trying to drain Lady Nisa’s power. My power is rewarded with a much stronger flow than Lady Nisa allowed previously. Suddenly the link is broken. I look around me, feeling bewildered. What is happening? What is Nisa doing?